I've been having a rough go for the last several days. There is a lot of chatter going on in my head. Today, I had an experience that caused me to feel a certain way. I remember feeling this way as a child, but I can't pinpoint the FEELING.
Is it discouragement? Do I feel embarrassed? Ashamed? Stupid?
Here is what happened...
I'm part of a group within a network of Independent BB Coaches. It is a group that my coach put together to help some of us achieve our goals.
Today, I was on what I thought was my 'close friends' page on my own personal FB. It had list suggestions on the right hand side, so I began adding people to it. They were people I had recently become friends with and so I figured that they hadn't been put on my list of 'close friends' when we became FB friends.
Awhile later, I received a message that asked me not to add people to this group I referred to above. WHAT?! Oops.
Shouldn't be a huge deal. It was an honest mistake on my part. But, it triggered something inside of me to feel a plethora of things.
When this happens, and I begin to make up in my head that the person that said something to me thinks I'm stupid, worthless, or whatever other mean words you could come up with. Do they actually think these things? I doubt it. But I'm really good at convincing myself otherwise.
I AM feeling discouraged right now. About several things. And so I think that because of that, I am attracting things to challenge me and to challenge my "belief" that I'm stupid.
I have had just a few recent experiences that have brought up these feelings. I am thankful that I am able to see that more than likely this is something that is coming from my inner critic (who is an asshole, by the way). And not ^ more than likely. This IS coming from that inner critic. But why?!
I am working so hard on moving forward. On bettering my life. On bettering myself. For whatever reason, each time I begin doing something like this, I have people come into my life to take me down. It's not THEIR fault. These people aren't doing anything TO me. My self critic is.
Here is what happened...
I'm part of a group within a network of Independent BB Coaches. It is a group that my coach put together to help some of us achieve our goals.
Today, I was on what I thought was my 'close friends' page on my own personal FB. It had list suggestions on the right hand side, so I began adding people to it. They were people I had recently become friends with and so I figured that they hadn't been put on my list of 'close friends' when we became FB friends.
Awhile later, I received a message that asked me not to add people to this group I referred to above. WHAT?! Oops.
Shouldn't be a huge deal. It was an honest mistake on my part. But, it triggered something inside of me to feel a plethora of things.
When this happens, and I begin to make up in my head that the person that said something to me thinks I'm stupid, worthless, or whatever other mean words you could come up with. Do they actually think these things? I doubt it. But I'm really good at convincing myself otherwise.
I AM feeling discouraged right now. About several things. And so I think that because of that, I am attracting things to challenge me and to challenge my "belief" that I'm stupid.
I have had just a few recent experiences that have brought up these feelings. I am thankful that I am able to see that more than likely this is something that is coming from my inner critic (who is an asshole, by the way). And not ^ more than likely. This IS coming from that inner critic. But why?!
I am working so hard on moving forward. On bettering my life. On bettering myself. For whatever reason, each time I begin doing something like this, I have people come into my life to take me down. It's not THEIR fault. These people aren't doing anything TO me. My self critic is.
I don't know that I have a point to this particular Blog. Or, maybe the point is being made without much effort on my part.
Do you ever experience this?
These beliefs are something that I feel like I've been working on re-constructing for years. And so when things like this creep back up on my, I feel SUPER frustrated.
Do you ever experience this?
These beliefs are something that I feel like I've been working on re-constructing for years. And so when things like this creep back up on my, I feel SUPER frustrated.
(hey! found a pic!)
What is the lesson? HOW can I get through this and re-structure my own mind? What can I do so that if I DO make a mistake, and someone comes to me with it, I don't have a complete emotional meltdown in my head?
What happens is that I tend to react emotionally. Usually, I'd delete people (if it were in the online world) or shut down (in my real world). I am finding myself shutting down, but I recognize it, which is a big deal. That means that I can stop myself.
The part of me that goes into panic mode because she feels hurt by how STUPID people thinks she is wants to throw in the towel! "I don't want to be a coach anymore! I can't believe I did that! How STUPID can you be?! God.. That's so embarrassing. I bet they think I'm such an idiot. I'll remove myself from anything and everything attached to me becoming a coach!"
Does anyone else see/hear how absolutely crazy this thinking is?
I've voiced it... I've put it out there...Yet I still feel kinda sick to my stomach.
THE LESSON HERE...
Don't believe everything you tell yourself!! I HIGHLY doubt that my coach things ANY of those things about me. And I HIGHLY doubt that the other people in my life believe any of that stuff about me.
SHUT OFF THE NOISE!! Shut OFF the voices! They don't know you and you DO NOT need them in your life.
Oh, and just in case you missed the message... It is all about Self Love.
Love yo'self!
What happens is that I tend to react emotionally. Usually, I'd delete people (if it were in the online world) or shut down (in my real world). I am finding myself shutting down, but I recognize it, which is a big deal. That means that I can stop myself.
The part of me that goes into panic mode because she feels hurt by how STUPID people thinks she is wants to throw in the towel! "I don't want to be a coach anymore! I can't believe I did that! How STUPID can you be?! God.. That's so embarrassing. I bet they think I'm such an idiot. I'll remove myself from anything and everything attached to me becoming a coach!"
Does anyone else see/hear how absolutely crazy this thinking is?
I've voiced it... I've put it out there...Yet I still feel kinda sick to my stomach.
THE LESSON HERE...
Don't believe everything you tell yourself!! I HIGHLY doubt that my coach things ANY of those things about me. And I HIGHLY doubt that the other people in my life believe any of that stuff about me.
SHUT OFF THE NOISE!! Shut OFF the voices! They don't know you and you DO NOT need them in your life.
Oh, and just in case you missed the message... It is all about Self Love.
Love yo'self!
No comments:
Post a Comment