There seems to be a never-ending cycle of crumbling foundations in my life. It always ends up being for the better...but in the midst of it all, I feel conflicted, sad, overwhelmed, refreshed, alone, strong, broken... A bit of all of the above I guess.
I've created a life that seems to end up leaving me alone and lonely...even if I'm in a room full of people. Why? Oh...I could list the reasons. But, I won't.
I will begin to get my footing...and I will stand up and begin to move forward. And then my world crumbles. This is something that needs to happen because I'm not living a life that is in sync with my true potential. My true self.
I'm 31. When do I get to figure it all out? I know what I want. What I desire. SO badly desire.
I'm conflicted. I'm scared. I'm hopeful. I'm lost. I'm just a girl trying to find her way in the world without hurting too many and without leaving a path of destruction.
I yearn for so much. For passion. PASSION. LOVE. Uninhabited way of living. I want to be me, fully. Raw. The woman that I am. All that I am.
I spent so much of my time running from myself. Avoiding being with just ME so that I could fully discover myself. So, here I am...31. And in my current situation, I'm alone (besides having my kids). I'm beginning to feel alive. I'm not so numb. I'm beginning to see ME again. I'm feeling strength. I'm feeling power. Love. PASSION. And it scares me. Because I feel like I don't have enough time to ground myself in this. I don't want to go back to how I was feeling. The person I was being... The life I was living. I don't want to go back.
I'm scared. There are decisions to be made. There are things that need to be done. I LOVE who I am... I HATE that I lose who I am so easily. I lose myself in taking care of others (men) that aren't in a position to take care of themselves. It's an old habit. Old behavior. But I'm in it. And I don't know if I can do it. I don't know what to do... It all is scary. No matter which direction it goes. It's scary. Probably painful, either way I go with it.
But I always recover. I always come out on top.
Dear God, I need some guidance. I need some answers. CLEAR answers. I need your guidance.
Where do I go from here? I don't want to go away ever again.... Please, tell me what to do.
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Words...and their significant insignificance.
I just spent too many minutes trying to find the perfect picture to go with this post. But... There is no point.
Several months ago, when I was about a month into working out, reading my personal development, and really starting to make some forward movement, someone said something that TOTALLY tore me down.... and I have yet to get back up.
Guess what? I ALLOWED that persons words to tear me down. They were mean. They hurt. And I let the words win.
I allowed these words to tear me down maybe lower than I was before. I totally reverted back to the 'old me'. WHY? How could I possibly allow someones words tear me down into to dirt? WHY would I allow this person to bring me down to where they were?
Words, positive or negative, have such a STRONG impact. And it take a strong person to not take those words to heart.
I let these words win. I let those words take control and win.
From this moment on, as scary as it feels and as reluctant as I am, I vow to not let anyone's words tear me down.
I want what I want. And the bottom line of it is that I want to be truly happy, healthy, strong (physically/mentally). I want confidence. I. Want. To. Be. HAPPY.
And no ones words get to bring me down.
The bottom line? I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.
Words from others, through they may seem/feel significant...and insignificant when you believe in yourself.
Several months ago, when I was about a month into working out, reading my personal development, and really starting to make some forward movement, someone said something that TOTALLY tore me down.... and I have yet to get back up.
Guess what? I ALLOWED that persons words to tear me down. They were mean. They hurt. And I let the words win.
I allowed these words to tear me down maybe lower than I was before. I totally reverted back to the 'old me'. WHY? How could I possibly allow someones words tear me down into to dirt? WHY would I allow this person to bring me down to where they were?
Words, positive or negative, have such a STRONG impact. And it take a strong person to not take those words to heart.
I let these words win. I let those words take control and win.
From this moment on, as scary as it feels and as reluctant as I am, I vow to not let anyone's words tear me down.
I want what I want. And the bottom line of it is that I want to be truly happy, healthy, strong (physically/mentally). I want confidence. I. Want. To. Be. HAPPY.
And no ones words get to bring me down.
The bottom line? I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.
Words from others, through they may seem/feel significant...and insignificant when you believe in yourself.
Monday, July 21, 2014
Tears of JOY.
Sometimes...If not most of the time... When you are in a situation that is trying/challenging/scary/BIG/etc., you feel like there is no way out. You want out, but you feel trapped. Like you are under water...Drowning.
Several years ago, when I was pregnant with Taysia and her Father ended up going to prison, I got to begin my journey of learning how to stand up in the face of what felt like death, and either fight through it, or let it kill me. I fought through it. But, on the other side, I didn't really find any sort of relief. I had many more years of feeling like I was constantly drowning.
I made decisions that almost cost me anything and everything that mattered to me. I wasn't able to work consistently. I was continually faced with all sorts of challenges and scary things that overwhelmed me MOST of the time. And in that state of overwhelm, I'd shut down. Shut off. I'd give up.
Well, finally, in April of this year (2014) I decided I was DONE. I was SO done letting the tough times win. I was SO done with not being able to provide and take care of my kids, myself, my family. I was done being self defeating. I was done ruining my life by doing NOTHING to live.
April feels like a lifetime ago... And there were many times that I felt like I was doing SO much to change internally yet NOTHING was changing. And no one was seeing those changes. I wasn't even recognizing myself for those changes.
In May, I signed up as a Health and Fitness Coach with Team Beachbody. I had no idea how I was going to do this. I wasn't in shape, I wasn't healthy, I was not in a great head space. I couldn't be a coach for other people if I didn't have my life together. AND, even though I'd decided to become a coach, that wasn't going to pay the bills. What was I going to do so that we didn't end up losing the home we've been in? We were running out of options for any kind of assistance. We'd been waiting on my partners disability stuff to come through, IF it came through. I KNEW that I had made a great decision to become a coach. But I also had NO idea what I was going to do to provide for my family.
I had sent my resume out to places. None of which felt right. I was experiencing a crazy amount of resistance each and every time I sent in my resume. Feeling this way, in my opinion, made it so that I wasn't getting any solid leads or calls from these jobs.
My friend Bre let me know that the place she works was hiring. So, I got my resume in. I got a call to come in and interview. I felt like the interview had gone well. I had heard AMAZING things about this company and it sounded like something that I wanted to be a part of. The next week I got a call saying that they had decided to hire from internally. BUT, that she sent my resume over to another department's manager that was hiring. Not long after that, I got a call to interview with them. So, I did last week. I hadn't heard anything yet and I was beginning to feel super anxious.
I'd done a lot of praying and setting positive intentions, wholeheartedly. I have felt for awhile now that everything was going to be okay...That I needed to trust, and be patient. So, even though I wasn't a huge fan of that answer, I listened.
Today, I got a call from the original manager that had interviewed me. She said that they gave her some more positions to fill in her department, asked if I was still interested, when I said yes, she asked when I could start.
When I got off the phone with her, I wanted to scream, jump, yell, run around!! I was SO freaking happy and excited and AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then, I cried...My heart felt swollen with gratitude. I still feel that way. I'm tearing up as I'm writing this.
I got the job...
I'm going to finally be in a position that will allow me to truly make it so I can become self sufficient. I will be able to take care of my family. And, because my Beachbody stuff is my OWN, I get to work it when I can, from home. So, not only will I get to work for a company that I'm stoked to work for, I will also be able to continue to build my business with Beachbody on the side.
I am filled from head to toe with gratitude.
-c
Several years ago, when I was pregnant with Taysia and her Father ended up going to prison, I got to begin my journey of learning how to stand up in the face of what felt like death, and either fight through it, or let it kill me. I fought through it. But, on the other side, I didn't really find any sort of relief. I had many more years of feeling like I was constantly drowning.
I made decisions that almost cost me anything and everything that mattered to me. I wasn't able to work consistently. I was continually faced with all sorts of challenges and scary things that overwhelmed me MOST of the time. And in that state of overwhelm, I'd shut down. Shut off. I'd give up.
Well, finally, in April of this year (2014) I decided I was DONE. I was SO done letting the tough times win. I was SO done with not being able to provide and take care of my kids, myself, my family. I was done being self defeating. I was done ruining my life by doing NOTHING to live.
April feels like a lifetime ago... And there were many times that I felt like I was doing SO much to change internally yet NOTHING was changing. And no one was seeing those changes. I wasn't even recognizing myself for those changes.
In May, I signed up as a Health and Fitness Coach with Team Beachbody. I had no idea how I was going to do this. I wasn't in shape, I wasn't healthy, I was not in a great head space. I couldn't be a coach for other people if I didn't have my life together. AND, even though I'd decided to become a coach, that wasn't going to pay the bills. What was I going to do so that we didn't end up losing the home we've been in? We were running out of options for any kind of assistance. We'd been waiting on my partners disability stuff to come through, IF it came through. I KNEW that I had made a great decision to become a coach. But I also had NO idea what I was going to do to provide for my family.
I had sent my resume out to places. None of which felt right. I was experiencing a crazy amount of resistance each and every time I sent in my resume. Feeling this way, in my opinion, made it so that I wasn't getting any solid leads or calls from these jobs.
My friend Bre let me know that the place she works was hiring. So, I got my resume in. I got a call to come in and interview. I felt like the interview had gone well. I had heard AMAZING things about this company and it sounded like something that I wanted to be a part of. The next week I got a call saying that they had decided to hire from internally. BUT, that she sent my resume over to another department's manager that was hiring. Not long after that, I got a call to interview with them. So, I did last week. I hadn't heard anything yet and I was beginning to feel super anxious.
I'd done a lot of praying and setting positive intentions, wholeheartedly. I have felt for awhile now that everything was going to be okay...That I needed to trust, and be patient. So, even though I wasn't a huge fan of that answer, I listened.
Today, I got a call from the original manager that had interviewed me. She said that they gave her some more positions to fill in her department, asked if I was still interested, when I said yes, she asked when I could start.
When I got off the phone with her, I wanted to scream, jump, yell, run around!! I was SO freaking happy and excited and AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then, I cried...My heart felt swollen with gratitude. I still feel that way. I'm tearing up as I'm writing this.
I got the job...
I'm going to finally be in a position that will allow me to truly make it so I can become self sufficient. I will be able to take care of my family. And, because my Beachbody stuff is my OWN, I get to work it when I can, from home. So, not only will I get to work for a company that I'm stoked to work for, I will also be able to continue to build my business with Beachbody on the side.
I am filled from head to toe with gratitude.
-c
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Women Empower Women
Throughout my life, most of my life, I've had females that have been in my life that have been less than kind. At times, I've been one of them that has been less than kind. As I've gotten older, I've really yearned to have women in my life.
I had guy friends primarily growing up. Now that I'm an adult, I don't have those close guy friends as friends really. Even if I did, I am missing something very important. WOMEN! So many will say that girls are back stabbing, dramatic, bitches. Which can be true! IF you are surrounding yourself with those types of people. Chances are that if you are surrounded by women like that, that is probably a common theme in your life. DRAMA.
Since I've become a coach, I've come across SO MANY amazing, strong, independent, awesome women. All of whom are there to build one another up. We are all coaches. We all have the same mission in life. And we all want to see each other succeed! I've joined a powerhouse of women! I also decided that is all that I want to have in my life. POWERHOUSE women!
This is such a rewarding, refreshing thing. And since I made the decision that I want more women friends in my life, I've been attracting the type of women that I want to have in my life.
This isn't an easy transition for me. As much as I want it, it's scary! It also means that I get to come out of my shell to socialize and trust. That is a pretty scary thing! But, I want it. So, I'm working through the fear.
I can't wait to meet these women in person. I also can't wait to move through my fears and begin building true relationships with the women I have near me.
WOMEN UNITE! This is NOT feminism. This is women empowering one another. Building one another, and NOT tearing down men or thinking we are better than anyone.
Women are amazing people. We have so much to offer. BUILD one another instead of tearing each other down.
BE ONE. We are all in this life together. Let's make one another stronger then we were the day before, the hour before, the minute before.
Who empowers you?
I had guy friends primarily growing up. Now that I'm an adult, I don't have those close guy friends as friends really. Even if I did, I am missing something very important. WOMEN! So many will say that girls are back stabbing, dramatic, bitches. Which can be true! IF you are surrounding yourself with those types of people. Chances are that if you are surrounded by women like that, that is probably a common theme in your life. DRAMA.
Since I've become a coach, I've come across SO MANY amazing, strong, independent, awesome women. All of whom are there to build one another up. We are all coaches. We all have the same mission in life. And we all want to see each other succeed! I've joined a powerhouse of women! I also decided that is all that I want to have in my life. POWERHOUSE women!
This is such a rewarding, refreshing thing. And since I made the decision that I want more women friends in my life, I've been attracting the type of women that I want to have in my life.
This isn't an easy transition for me. As much as I want it, it's scary! It also means that I get to come out of my shell to socialize and trust. That is a pretty scary thing! But, I want it. So, I'm working through the fear.
I can't wait to meet these women in person. I also can't wait to move through my fears and begin building true relationships with the women I have near me.
WOMEN UNITE! This is NOT feminism. This is women empowering one another. Building one another, and NOT tearing down men or thinking we are better than anyone.
Women are amazing people. We have so much to offer. BUILD one another instead of tearing each other down.
BE ONE. We are all in this life together. Let's make one another stronger then we were the day before, the hour before, the minute before.
Who empowers you?
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Not everything needs a title...
I am not entirely sure what is going on with me. I don't know if it is depression creeping back in, if I feel like I'm losing a sense of self with all of the changes I'm trying to make? I'm not sure....
I've taken on being a coach, which is awesome! But that means that I've turned my IG and my FB into more of a professional thing rather than personal. That also means that I'm limiting myself and my posts. That doesn't feel genuine to me. I guess I need to find the balance.
I debated coming here to write this because I don't want to appear to be anything but professional for the sake of my clientele. But, that's not real, is it?! I don't think so.
It is HUGE for me to be able to express myself freely. I don't do well when I feel smothered, confined, trapped, restricted. It causes me to rebel HUGELY. Which ultimately ends up a self sabotage attack. Not awesome.
Can I be ME and still be a responsible, mature (ha) adult? Why not?
I am emotional. I am spunky. I am clever, funny, artistic, creative. Why is ANY of that anything that I should stifle? Ya know what I mean?! That's not cool. And it's SO not healthy.
It is opening my eyes to the limits that we put on ourselves. That society puts on us. And who does that work for? I mean, really? Who does that serve? Why on earth would it serve a purpose to dumb yourself down (so to speak)? Or to pretend NOT to be something/someone? There things that have called to my soul since I was a child. Should I stifle those things and smother them out, suffocate them, for the sake of...."Maybe it makes people uncomfortable". Maybe it does! Is that my fault or my issue? NO!
I mean, I'm not going to go about dropping the 'F-BOMB' randomly on my page. I won't put my crude jokes on front street. But, I'm not going to pretend to NOT be into the things I'm into. That's SO not fair to me or my soul.
I went through something similar to this years ago when I was going through a lot of inner-work courses. I had this crazy internal conflict with myself regarding the light/dark side of things/life. Could I be truly happy and still like the night, dark art, skulls, gore, and goblins? Could I lead with light and still feel a pull to the dark? YES!! Why the FUH not?!
Do you see where I am going? That is what life is about. Light and dark. Yin and Yang. Balance. Just because I like the things I do, act the way I do, enjoy the things I do, doesn't mean I'm a horrible person. It doesn't mean that I have to be unhappy to enjoy the things that I do.
I like the light as well! Happy tears, warm fuzzies, happy go lucky music. I also love metal, horror, crude humor...
It is time to STOP smothering myself out! It is time to stop trying SO hard to be someone that I'm not. It makes me miserable and I tend to numb out. Who wants to live like that?
The only way I have ever been able to TRULY help others, to be of service, is when I am ME. PURELY ME. Not this... Professional, let me censor everything and make everything rainbows and butterflies (...where they eat rainbows and poop butterflies!).
It is tiring to feel like you have to be perfect in everything that you do. And for me, striving for this perfection ends up paralyzing me and I end up with NOTHING. I end up DOING nothing and BEING nothing. Does that sound like something that is going to bring me joy? HELL NO! NEVER. EVER... Never... It's a saddening thought, isn't it? Strive so hard internally for perfection that literally EVERY aspect of your life is the living dead...
Wow... How's that for an A'ha moment....Shit.
WHAT IS IT THAT MAKES YOUR HEART SING?! WHAT THE F*** MAKES YOU HAPPY?! WHAT?!
Yeah? THEN GO OUT AND DO IT!! Do more of what makes your heart sing. Do more of what truly brings you joy! Do more of what lights you up. Don't suffocate yourself for the sake of others opinions.
DON'T STIFLE ANY PART OF YOURSELF that is good, great, amazing.
Yes, there is evil in this world. And there are some people that do some really shitty things. Don't do those things. Don't be a shitty person.
BE YOU. WHOLLY (I had to check the spelling on this...haha). EMBRACE WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE. AND AMAZING AND F****** AWSOME!!
Love YOU because you are the only YOU out there.
I mean, I'm not going to go about dropping the 'F-BOMB' randomly on my page. I won't put my crude jokes on front street. But, I'm not going to pretend to NOT be into the things I'm into. That's SO not fair to me or my soul.
I went through something similar to this years ago when I was going through a lot of inner-work courses. I had this crazy internal conflict with myself regarding the light/dark side of things/life. Could I be truly happy and still like the night, dark art, skulls, gore, and goblins? Could I lead with light and still feel a pull to the dark? YES!! Why the FUH not?!
Do you see where I am going? That is what life is about. Light and dark. Yin and Yang. Balance. Just because I like the things I do, act the way I do, enjoy the things I do, doesn't mean I'm a horrible person. It doesn't mean that I have to be unhappy to enjoy the things that I do.
I like the light as well! Happy tears, warm fuzzies, happy go lucky music. I also love metal, horror, crude humor...
It is time to STOP smothering myself out! It is time to stop trying SO hard to be someone that I'm not. It makes me miserable and I tend to numb out. Who wants to live like that?
The only way I have ever been able to TRULY help others, to be of service, is when I am ME. PURELY ME. Not this... Professional, let me censor everything and make everything rainbows and butterflies (...where they eat rainbows and poop butterflies!).
It is tiring to feel like you have to be perfect in everything that you do. And for me, striving for this perfection ends up paralyzing me and I end up with NOTHING. I end up DOING nothing and BEING nothing. Does that sound like something that is going to bring me joy? HELL NO! NEVER. EVER... Never... It's a saddening thought, isn't it? Strive so hard internally for perfection that literally EVERY aspect of your life is the living dead...
Wow... How's that for an A'ha moment....Shit.
WHAT IS IT THAT MAKES YOUR HEART SING?! WHAT THE F*** MAKES YOU HAPPY?! WHAT?!
Yeah? THEN GO OUT AND DO IT!! Do more of what makes your heart sing. Do more of what truly brings you joy! Do more of what lights you up. Don't suffocate yourself for the sake of others opinions.
DON'T STIFLE ANY PART OF YOURSELF that is good, great, amazing.
Yes, there is evil in this world. And there are some people that do some really shitty things. Don't do those things. Don't be a shitty person.
BE YOU. WHOLLY (I had to check the spelling on this...haha). EMBRACE WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE. AND AMAZING AND F****** AWSOME!!
Love YOU because you are the only YOU out there.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Discouragement, Self Criticism, and Confidence
I've been sitting her Googling different things to find the perfect image for this blog. I can hardly bring myself to write one sentence let alone find an image! :)
I've been having a rough go for the last several days. There is a lot of chatter going on in my head. Today, I had an experience that caused me to feel a certain way. I remember feeling this way as a child, but I can't pinpoint the FEELING.
(hey! found a pic!)
I've been having a rough go for the last several days. There is a lot of chatter going on in my head. Today, I had an experience that caused me to feel a certain way. I remember feeling this way as a child, but I can't pinpoint the FEELING.
Is it discouragement? Do I feel embarrassed? Ashamed? Stupid?
Here is what happened...
I'm part of a group within a network of Independent BB Coaches. It is a group that my coach put together to help some of us achieve our goals.
Today, I was on what I thought was my 'close friends' page on my own personal FB. It had list suggestions on the right hand side, so I began adding people to it. They were people I had recently become friends with and so I figured that they hadn't been put on my list of 'close friends' when we became FB friends.
Awhile later, I received a message that asked me not to add people to this group I referred to above. WHAT?! Oops.
Shouldn't be a huge deal. It was an honest mistake on my part. But, it triggered something inside of me to feel a plethora of things.
When this happens, and I begin to make up in my head that the person that said something to me thinks I'm stupid, worthless, or whatever other mean words you could come up with. Do they actually think these things? I doubt it. But I'm really good at convincing myself otherwise.
I AM feeling discouraged right now. About several things. And so I think that because of that, I am attracting things to challenge me and to challenge my "belief" that I'm stupid.
I have had just a few recent experiences that have brought up these feelings. I am thankful that I am able to see that more than likely this is something that is coming from my inner critic (who is an asshole, by the way). And not ^ more than likely. This IS coming from that inner critic. But why?!
I am working so hard on moving forward. On bettering my life. On bettering myself. For whatever reason, each time I begin doing something like this, I have people come into my life to take me down. It's not THEIR fault. These people aren't doing anything TO me. My self critic is.
Here is what happened...
I'm part of a group within a network of Independent BB Coaches. It is a group that my coach put together to help some of us achieve our goals.
Today, I was on what I thought was my 'close friends' page on my own personal FB. It had list suggestions on the right hand side, so I began adding people to it. They were people I had recently become friends with and so I figured that they hadn't been put on my list of 'close friends' when we became FB friends.
Awhile later, I received a message that asked me not to add people to this group I referred to above. WHAT?! Oops.
Shouldn't be a huge deal. It was an honest mistake on my part. But, it triggered something inside of me to feel a plethora of things.
When this happens, and I begin to make up in my head that the person that said something to me thinks I'm stupid, worthless, or whatever other mean words you could come up with. Do they actually think these things? I doubt it. But I'm really good at convincing myself otherwise.
I AM feeling discouraged right now. About several things. And so I think that because of that, I am attracting things to challenge me and to challenge my "belief" that I'm stupid.
I have had just a few recent experiences that have brought up these feelings. I am thankful that I am able to see that more than likely this is something that is coming from my inner critic (who is an asshole, by the way). And not ^ more than likely. This IS coming from that inner critic. But why?!
I am working so hard on moving forward. On bettering my life. On bettering myself. For whatever reason, each time I begin doing something like this, I have people come into my life to take me down. It's not THEIR fault. These people aren't doing anything TO me. My self critic is.
I don't know that I have a point to this particular Blog. Or, maybe the point is being made without much effort on my part.
Do you ever experience this?
These beliefs are something that I feel like I've been working on re-constructing for years. And so when things like this creep back up on my, I feel SUPER frustrated.
Do you ever experience this?
These beliefs are something that I feel like I've been working on re-constructing for years. And so when things like this creep back up on my, I feel SUPER frustrated.
(hey! found a pic!)
What is the lesson? HOW can I get through this and re-structure my own mind? What can I do so that if I DO make a mistake, and someone comes to me with it, I don't have a complete emotional meltdown in my head?
What happens is that I tend to react emotionally. Usually, I'd delete people (if it were in the online world) or shut down (in my real world). I am finding myself shutting down, but I recognize it, which is a big deal. That means that I can stop myself.
The part of me that goes into panic mode because she feels hurt by how STUPID people thinks she is wants to throw in the towel! "I don't want to be a coach anymore! I can't believe I did that! How STUPID can you be?! God.. That's so embarrassing. I bet they think I'm such an idiot. I'll remove myself from anything and everything attached to me becoming a coach!"
Does anyone else see/hear how absolutely crazy this thinking is?
I've voiced it... I've put it out there...Yet I still feel kinda sick to my stomach.
THE LESSON HERE...
Don't believe everything you tell yourself!! I HIGHLY doubt that my coach things ANY of those things about me. And I HIGHLY doubt that the other people in my life believe any of that stuff about me.
SHUT OFF THE NOISE!! Shut OFF the voices! They don't know you and you DO NOT need them in your life.
Oh, and just in case you missed the message... It is all about Self Love.
Love yo'self!
What happens is that I tend to react emotionally. Usually, I'd delete people (if it were in the online world) or shut down (in my real world). I am finding myself shutting down, but I recognize it, which is a big deal. That means that I can stop myself.
The part of me that goes into panic mode because she feels hurt by how STUPID people thinks she is wants to throw in the towel! "I don't want to be a coach anymore! I can't believe I did that! How STUPID can you be?! God.. That's so embarrassing. I bet they think I'm such an idiot. I'll remove myself from anything and everything attached to me becoming a coach!"
Does anyone else see/hear how absolutely crazy this thinking is?
I've voiced it... I've put it out there...Yet I still feel kinda sick to my stomach.
THE LESSON HERE...
Don't believe everything you tell yourself!! I HIGHLY doubt that my coach things ANY of those things about me. And I HIGHLY doubt that the other people in my life believe any of that stuff about me.
SHUT OFF THE NOISE!! Shut OFF the voices! They don't know you and you DO NOT need them in your life.
Oh, and just in case you missed the message... It is all about Self Love.
Love yo'self!
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Job Interviews
Today I'm going in for a job interview with a company that I've heard nothing but good things about. The position I'm interviewing for is a salaried position with paid benefits. I would make enough per month that I would be able to finally support my little family.
This is huge for me. And in typing that out, I think that's why I'm feeling SO anxious and worried and nervous about it. I haven't had a lot of luck (if that's what you want to call it) for awhile. I know that previously it was because the way I was living my life wasn't in alignment with what I was TRULY wanting. I was functioning on a much lower vibration. Functioning on a lower vibration means that you attract things of a lower vibration.
Now that I've shifted quite substantially, I feel like it is time (and it is okay) to begin attracting and living these great things that I so desire. So why is it that I feel so freaked out?!
I've been sitting here trying to pin point EXACTLY what it is that's going through my head.
I don't know that it's just ONE thing. There is a lot of yapping up there. It makes it kind of muffled and hard to decipher what is actually going on.
I think that my fear is 1. That I won't get the job. 2. If I get the job, I am worried about sabotaging myself. 3. Just the basic anxiety that comes along with an interview.
Here is what I'm thinking though. I deserve this. Why not? Why wouldn't I? I can be great. I am great. I GET to be great.
Could you imagine the freedom that would come with being able to finally provide for my family? To not have to worry about how we are going to pay for our rent? Let alone other things we may need? Pretty amazing thought.
If it feels this good just visualizing it, I would imagine it will only feel pretty freaking AMAZING to live it!
God be with me today as I enter into this interview process. I ask for strength, wisdom, and calm nerves. I ask that the interview process goes smoothly, effortlessly, and fluidly. I ask for confidence. And for the best answers to come to me. I also ask that the things of my past are left there and do not hinder my present.
Time to get ready.
Wish me luck!!
-c
This is huge for me. And in typing that out, I think that's why I'm feeling SO anxious and worried and nervous about it. I haven't had a lot of luck (if that's what you want to call it) for awhile. I know that previously it was because the way I was living my life wasn't in alignment with what I was TRULY wanting. I was functioning on a much lower vibration. Functioning on a lower vibration means that you attract things of a lower vibration.
Now that I've shifted quite substantially, I feel like it is time (and it is okay) to begin attracting and living these great things that I so desire. So why is it that I feel so freaked out?!
I've been sitting here trying to pin point EXACTLY what it is that's going through my head.
I don't know that it's just ONE thing. There is a lot of yapping up there. It makes it kind of muffled and hard to decipher what is actually going on.
I think that my fear is 1. That I won't get the job. 2. If I get the job, I am worried about sabotaging myself. 3. Just the basic anxiety that comes along with an interview.
Here is what I'm thinking though. I deserve this. Why not? Why wouldn't I? I can be great. I am great. I GET to be great.
Could you imagine the freedom that would come with being able to finally provide for my family? To not have to worry about how we are going to pay for our rent? Let alone other things we may need? Pretty amazing thought.
If it feels this good just visualizing it, I would imagine it will only feel pretty freaking AMAZING to live it!
God be with me today as I enter into this interview process. I ask for strength, wisdom, and calm nerves. I ask that the interview process goes smoothly, effortlessly, and fluidly. I ask for confidence. And for the best answers to come to me. I also ask that the things of my past are left there and do not hinder my present.
Time to get ready.
Wish me luck!!
-c
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